be the change.

i’m goin’ to my first phillies game today. i will be very drunk in public, always a good time.

i’m currently faced with the difficult decision as to whether or not i will remain in philly post graduation. i really wanna be in ny or la but i think if i go there right after graduation i’ll get sucked into some crazy lifestyle that i can’t break out of. not to mention, it’ll be so expensive to live there that’ll i won’t be able to focus on my career at all.

i’ve also been thinking about europe, like spain or something. just for a few years, unless i fall in love with it.

i hate growing up it’s too confusing. haha i really don’t wanna leave college it’s been the best time of my life.

slightly boring stuff about myself is next so feel free to not read…

i’ve been thinking lately. i’ve always wanted to make an impact on the world. but that urge has grown x10 recently. i think about how insignificant my life is in comparison to how big the rest of the world is. i have the freedom to go anywhere, meet anyone, and be anything. 50 years from now (if we haven’t all blown each other up by then) i wanna look back on my life and be proud of what i’ve done. make my future family proud.

i watch trainspotting again (fantastic film from the same guy that directed slumdog) and the movie ends kinda how it opens. with renton’s narration of kinda how he sees the world and the different choices people have to life what would be considered a “normal” life.

“I’m gonna be just like you. The job, the family, the fucking big television. The washing machine, the car, the compact disc and electric tin opener, good health, low cholesterol, dental insurance, mortgage, starter home, leisure wear, luggage, three piece suite, DIY, game shows, junk food, children, walks in the park, nine to five, good at golf, washing the car, choice of sweaters, family Christmas, indexed pension, tax exemption, clearing gutters, getting by, looking ahead, the day you die.”

these are the last lines in the film. the life he talks about seems so boring. i just get so confused cause i want a family definitely. somebody has to continue my awesome legacy. but i think of all the shit i wanna do in my life – i wanna experience EVERYTHING, literally (even group sex lol).  when i was younger i could never think of what i wanted to do. i wanted to have every career possible and i finally decided on film cause i can create any world i want. i can create worlds you never want to leave, worlds where everything goes to shit, and everything in between. i can create the perfect love life even if mine always sucks (but i would never lol). i could send a character to any part of the world – the universe. it’s fucking awesome, what i do. i hope i make it, and i hope i can then turn good fortune into help for others. that’s what i want! yea. i’m not gonna be a clone. i’m gonna be the change.